Yes, Gentle Reader, it is Dear Lord Akeldama time!!!
In which Lord Akeldma is given a Scenario by the Troublesome Black Cat, Nicholas Lou . . .
The Woolsey Hive's latest scientific dastardly plot strikes... as a horde of zombified/mechanical/automation/simulacr
Enter the infamous and ever-fashionable potentate to save the day! After, I'm sure, commissioning several of your drones to produce some tasteful artwork and sculpture that no doubt would leave Alexia in stitches and Conall searching for his Tue Tue... [And possibly Lyall looking to obtain one]
You have the majority of the Parasol Protectorate at your mercy, with little choice but to accept your choices for their wardrobe, the whole of your vast closets with ready tailors to adjust for larger frames, and your army of drones to make sure everything goes just so, whether or not the wearer has skill at dressing themselves.
Of course, even Madame Lefoux, despite whatever colorful French phrases she could offer during this process, could be dressed at your whim for whichever gender you decided. Also, assume that whatever 'offenses' might occur in this process will be forgiven. [They most likely would, but assume that choices such as daring to force Lefoux into a dress would not result in an eventual octomaton on your doorstep.]
Do paint a proper picture? Or at least an outrageous one?
What would I put them in? Ah indeed, what a question you ask, naughty kitten noir.
Alexia: I'd love to see her in wine velvet and cream embroidered brocades. I'd have Biffy concoct something for her from my own 1700's collection and the bedroom curtains.
Lord Maccon: Oh, silver, black, and white silks, very fitted, very crisp.
Professor Lyall: He so often goes for somber browns I'd like to try him in something more flashy, perhaps emerald green and gold.
Ivy: Chocolate and cream, I think that would suit her complexion perfectly, and she could use the subtlety.
Tunstell: It matters not so long as he continued to wear such tight trousers.
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - I do hope to not offend, but I have begun the process of recreating the fantastic orange, yellow, and pink creation from the beginning of Soulless to wear for Seattle Steamcon IV. My only concern regarding this amazing outfit (aside from the sincerest hope that I can do it any sort of justice), is this: when wearing it out of doors, should there not be an accompanying hat? I ask with utmost seriousness, as we all know just how important it is to have just the right hat.
It should indeed have a hat. I should opt for a top hat in a matching shade, my sunset peach, perhaps with a band about it in a contrasting color. Or would that be too much? Oh, dear, what am I saying, it's NEVER too much!
(And as an aside, if this indeed does not offend, and/or if you would be interested to see it, I am more than willing to promise pictures as soon as the outfit has been completed.)
Of course! I absolutely insist!
I am a firm believer in the theory that some items *transcend* fashion - that they are never in-style, nor are they out of style, that they exist independent of it. That no matter where or when you, these items will be around. I include among these Hawaiian Shirts and Argyle Socks. While I recognize that people have differing opinions as to whether this is a good thing or not, you who have seen so much in the world of fashion, what items would you include on such a list?
Jewelry darling, lots and lots of jewelry, the classic Hermes scarf, oxford style shoes, a beautiful red dress, a stunning grey suit, a sweet smile, and, of course, a glass of bubbly.
Jami asks (/rants):
Considering some women are forbidden by their religion from showing any bare arms from the elbows on up, others like myself just should not show their upper arms for the good of humanity, and some, even though they have lovely upper arms, just don't like showing them - why is it that every single formal gown out there is sleeveless?! And why do the ones that at least come with a jacket or those awful bodello coats that only really work for body types that are not mine look like they were made for some 80 year old dowager?!
Oh ever fashionable and clothing wise Lord A, only you can bring light back into my heavy heart with a pithy answer to my dilemma. Even if I can't find an elegant yet sexy (without my risking a Janet Jackson moment) formal gown in a deep rich purple and instead have to get my now too large black gown from three years ago taken in - at least I know you can make me smile again!
Seriously, dude, why is it so hard for the designers to make a formal gown with sleeves?!
Dude? Ah hem!
Let me see, my dearest boysenberry. You must strike out on your own in this matter and buy (duh duh duh dum ~ separates!) I suggest one of those terribly fetching embellished little cardigans, you know with all the beading and sparkles. A cream cashmere, or a pale purple to go with your royal purple. Perhaps a fitted blazer might do as well, velvet, because velvet is lovely. Or how about one of those pretty lace Nataya jackets, they have a bit of stretch to them and will dress up any gown, and they come in plus sizes. They aren't cheap but you only have to buy the one. (To which Gail adds, my friends at Dark Garden often carry these.)
Lord Akeldama by Matt Harrison @matchoo28 on Twitter
Sassy Gay Octopus asks:
What is your opinion on fanfiction? Do you love the idea that very soon there will be dozens, if not hundreds, of erotic stories of you? Do you hate it? Why?
Me dearest poppet, what care I so long as I am appropriately dressed? And, of course, so long as it takes an appropriately long time to get me undressed.
Have a question for Lord Akeldama? He may have answered it already or you may leave it in a comment below.
GAIL'S DAILY DOSE
Your Moment of Parasol . . .
Your Infusion of Cute . . .
Your Tisane of Smart . . .
Lesbians and Cycling: an Illustrated History
Your Writerly Tinctures . . .
PROJECT ROUND UP
Deportment & Deceit ~ The Finishing School Book the Second: Done with word count but not book. Lord Akeldama just showed up, dam him! He's not supposed to be in this series!
Etiquette & Espionage ~ The Finishing School Book the First: Release date Feb 2013.
Manga ~ Soulless Vol. 2: (AKA Changeless) Have seen cover sketch for cover and it is fabulous!
Timeless ~ Parasol Protectorate Book the Last. Out now!
Prudence ~ The Parasol Protectorate Abroad Book the First: Release date Fall 2013.
BIG FAT SPOILER ALERT! Really, DON'T READ THE BLURB ON AMAZON if you haven't read the other books first!
Soulless reviews . . .
In very grand company.
Winning over a reluctant anti-paranormal reader.
A quick succession of busy nothings.
Madame Guillotine is a convert.
Quote of the Day:
"If you have never said "Excuse me" to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you are probably wasting too much valuable reading time."
~ Sherri Chasin Calvo